It Takes A Village (to get me to work)

So what have I been up to this week besides not posting on my blog? Well I've worked, hosted small group, helped with a training at our foster parent meeting, done a visit with Rachel's family, & attended a parade, but really all it feels like I have done is deal with my car.

 I have an ongoing car saga that began awhile back when I started to notice some "hiccups" & "jumps" in my car. I took it to the mechanic a few times... they drove it... nothing. Since it was occasional & nothing seemed to be breaking I just chalked it up to the fact that my car was getting older & decided not to worry about it.

Fast forward to last Sunday, my sister Emily & I were sitting at a stop light & my car starts sputtering & stuttering almost dies. I gave it some gas, it came back to life & everything was fine. Then on Tuesday I go from work about 30 minutes South to meet Rachel for a visit with her bio-family. We have a visit with the fam & drive the hour back to our house. We are at the stop light closest to our house when the car starts acting very strange. Every time I accelerate it almost dies. We jerkily ride home. I thank God for getting us perfectly home before we had these problems. I pull into the garage & call my mom to ask if she will drive the girls to school in the morning & then follow me to the mechanic. She agrees.

So Wednesday morning my mom follows me to the mechanic, the car drives fine on the way, I drop it off & my mom takes me out to her house to get my dad's truck to borrow. I drive it the 40 minutes to work. The thing's a gas-hog but I'm thankful dad was out of town so I could use it. I get a call from the mechanic, nothing is wrong with the car, it's driving like a dream. Ahhhhh!!!!!

Thursday morning I pick up my car, drive to & from work (40 minutes each way) & all goes well.

Friday morning I am almost to work when it begins again, the strange jerking & sputtering. I take a break from work & drive to the mechanic, it sputters all the way there. I get out & tell them to jump in the car quick to feel the problem.... nothing. We drive for 15 minutes, it goes smoothly, the mechanic says my car is "shy." I can think of a few other choice words for my car. He explains the car computer system won't always indicate when a part is wearing out or glitching until it actually breaks. I'm about ready to call myself crazy when halleluiah!!, the check engine light comes on (never thought I'd be so thrilled about that)! The code reads that it might be the ignition coil which seems to match the symptoms. They have to order the part. So I hitch a ride home from someone after work & try to rearrange the plans for my 3-day weekend minus a car.

Can I just say that my mom has been the sweetest mom/grandma ever this week? She drove Rachel & I all over the place, even though my dad was gone & she had lots of extra duties. Also about 3 friends have already given Rachel & I rides & Tess even let me borrow her car Saturday night. Also I'm a little bit happy to be stranded at home, so I can catch up on my blogging of course :-)

Pugs not Drugs

I got the most unexpected package in the mail this week. I can rarely remember getting a gift in the mail so unexpectedly & let me tell you, it's the best! It was myriad of pug-related items that are so stinkin' cute (unless you are a certain friend of mine who hates pugs). My friend Hannah sent them to me from some design company she found online (Etsy, I'm guessing???). Anyway it was super fun & I hope you all see the joy I get from unexpected packages & start sending me cute things in the mail for no reason too.

On Coming & Going

These are a few less that philosophical insights I had about making the effort to leave kids & responsibilities & go somewhere. On the way to the retreat last weekend everyone I was riding with agreed that they had wondered if it was worth it to go at sometime that week. The planning, packing, & delegation of responsibilities, just feels like added stress. I personally had wonder if it wouldn't be better to just stay home & get caught up on sleep, but I went knowing that once I left town I would be glad I made the effort.


After all that blustering about leaving it turns out that once I left, I didn't want to come back home. I love my life but it includes a lot of responsibility & unending needs to be met. I rode home from the retreat with the dread of laundry and other non-energizing duties ahead of me as well as the cinnamon roll induced stomach ache dragging me down. Inside I was kicking & screamin,g "don't make me go back there!"

What I actually found when I got home was that sometimes when you come home, the dog has peed in the living room but greets you with enough tail wagging & heavy breathing to make up for it. Sometimes you find everyone sitting around the coffee table eating lunch together & and laughing & you almost don't care that you can't get rid of those pesky ants crawling to the dog bowl. Sometimes you come home to find a teenage mom who can't quite keep up with her one-year-old running around your house, but she has made the unusual gesture of emptying the dish washer & the one-year-old is cute, so you laugh & chase them both around too. So I guess what I am saying is that going away is good (in spite of all the work it takes to get there) because it helps you to see thing a little differently & teenagers, dogs, ants, dust & all, home is where the heart is (cheesy, I know). Hope you all have a great weekend whatever you're doing!

Women's Retreat

Last weekend I went on a low key women's retreat with some ladies from my church. 14 of us retreated to a beautiful beach front condo near Monterrey. It was a great size group, just small enough to interact with everyone & big enough to have a funny soup of personalities. The setting was so beautiful! The house we rented was right on the beach & everywhere we turned it was a beautiful beach scene. I felt like I was drinking in the beauty & majesty & calm of the ocean all weekend.

The weekend pretty much consisted of eating, conversation, eating, down time (walks, games, shopping etc.), eating,  listen & discussing a few sermons & of course drinking a nice glass of wine... & eating. I was relaxed but a bit sick to my stomach when I returned on Sunday. Apparently after a few weeks of healthy eating, gallons of coffee & mini-cinnamon rolls did not seem to agree with me for breakfast. I do love cinnamon rolls, but they did not seem to love me back on this occasion.

As the person who is usually in charge of orchestrating most things in my life, & the lives of those around me, it was strange (in a good sense of the word) to be with a bunch of women who had everything done before I could even think to do it. Dinner was made, dishes were done, games were organized, & the trash was taken out & all I had done was talk to people. I felt a little guilty about this but I also LOVED IT!!!!

I especially enjoyed being with a few friends who used to go to our church & who now live elsewhere. It was great catching up with everyone, especially my friend Rebekah, who got married & moved about an hour away last year. Rebekah comes from a big family like I do so it took us all weekend to just to tell each other about the comings & going of all our relatives, and of course to do a little soul bearing along the way. I also got to go on a long, wonderful walk with my friend Alyce. She is more than twice my age but she is such a kindred spirit. I feel so blessed by her & it was wonderful to have unfettered time together. On this trip I had the happy realization that even though I love & admire her so much, she loves me that much too. It blew me away!

One of the interesting things I found out in my casual conversation with so many of the ladies, was how unconventional so many of their families are. From the outside we are a group of typical church-going women with our hair brushed & our nice family photos hung in our various middle class homes, but things are never that simple. As I heard more about people's lives I found out about step-children & foster kids they'd raised, neighborhood kids who had lived with them as siblings growing up, family members with mental health problems, kids they'd given up for adoption as a teenager & all other kinds of interesting family scenarios. It was beautiful to see what God has done & is doing in these women & their families as he is redeeming the broken things & bringing slow healing to all these areas.

So that was it. It was so relaxing I've been going at a little slower pace this week, which is good for me, but apparently not so good for getting out timely blogs.

Getting My Techie-Butt into Gear

Over the past 6 months I feel like I've been making friends with the Internet. I read more blogs, use more social media, Skype my sister while she does homework (even though we live in the same town) & I feel lost without my smart phone. I am using all of this technology for fun & for organization. Most of my everyday friends are not too techie, they have phones without Internet, they remind me of birthdays (rather than assume Facebook will do it), & they laugh when I reference Pintrist & say "what's that word you just said?" I have however, discovered the other type of person, the ones who dominated Google + a few days after it was launched, the ones who follow Internet pranks, who tweet daily, & who have apps in place of flashlights when camping.

What does my new found love of technology consist of?
Well, it turns out I love Twitter, where you can follow me @SpiceCreamCone (I seriously need some new followers). I also think Pintrist is a fabulous idea! I have yet to really get going on it but it satisfies that need to capture the amazing ideas I read in blogs in one place. For instance I saw this amazing planter someone made out of a pallet in Seal Beach about a year ago & then I recently saw something similar on the Internet. I was able to save the link in my Pintrist so the next time I see a pallet on the side of the road I can snag it & make this spiffy planter! (If you want an invite to Pintrist just let me know.) Most recently I've started being obsessive about my budgeting using Mint.com. It's so wonderful to have my account info in one easy to see place. I am also a big fan of keeping track of my Weight Watchers info online & there is a great app for tracking & figuring out points on my phone. Ok, so I may still have a hotmail, the same one I've had since high school, but at least I finally went through & deleted about a bazillion old emails & organized the rest into folders.

Even though I have been loving the Internet for so many things, it's a tortured relationship. Texting & cellphones are the bane of my existence when it come to being surrounded by teen girls. They text at dinner, while grocery shopping, while Facebooking, while walking & even while showering. Yes, Desiree used to actually put her cellphone in a Ziploc bag & text in the shower. Teens that have a phone with them when they are home alone or even in their room at night are virtually unsupervised with a bunch of friends. It's those "special friends" of the opposite sex who may be on the other end that are the ones I really worry about.
Oh yes the joys & dangers of Skype. Since I currently have friends & family all over the country I love Skype, but let me tell you, that little video camera hasn't always been used for good at my house. I am learning. I have parental controlled the hell out of my computer, I am setting limits with the phones (especially at dinner time & bed time), & I know all the passwords to Rachel's stuff but there is only so much you can do because its everywhere and let's face it, they are way better with technology than I am.

At work we have been discussing the culture change that this is creating for foster parents who aren't nearly as savvy about technology as the kids in their homes. The ones that have been parenting for years have to think about the way they set boundaries for teens in a whole new way. The thing is that they are not alone, it's all parents who are having to adjust & accept that we are in a new era.

But it's not just the kids I worry about, it's me too. When I walk my dog at night I can barely stand the thought of going out without an iPod or a phone. Once I get going & let the silence sink in a little bit I'm ok, I even kind of like it, but getting there is hard. I'm on the Internet all day at work, I make phone calls (hands free of course) or listen to music or the news on my commute to & from work & I really struggle to turn off the TV at night to read, pray, or do devotions. After spending all day at work on the computer I often gravitate to the computer again as soon as I get home. Some days I feel like I have ADD or early onset Alzheimer's only to realise that I am just all wound up inside. My brain is a jumble of info, & inevitably the relevant info gets lost in the mix because like my body, my brain & my soul, need a rest.

My friends & I had an interesting discussion about what it means to honor the Sabbath. I often see "rest" as tuning out, but the more I think about it, rest is something much more purposeful. I think it has something to do with putting aside distraction & experiencing actual, physical quiet. In addition I think Sabbath "rest" involves not only putting aside but putting on the act of worship. I think I need to do a little more of that for me & my household. I am thankful for the Internet & the rise of technology but it might do me good to be a little more Amish on Sundays. I have no idea how to do this. I really have no idea how to bring this to my household. I know God can help me with this & I want to try. I need to try.

Friday Nights

Sitting at the computer, a lovely web cam shot

I've heard it said that dreams are our brain's way of working out the loose ends of our thoughts during the day. This reminds me of my Friday night musings, working out the week's unresolved, random, & half-finished business.

My Friday nights are not lively affairs. Though I love the routine school brings into our lives I am wrung out by the time Friday hits, no grand desires for a night on the town stir within me, I am pretty much ready for veggin' out on the couch in my pj's or a bubble bath & a glass of wine. Most Fridays in the Fall find me alone. Rachel usually goes to high school football games & any other teen who is living with me at the time won't be caught dead hanging out at home on a Friday night.

I always have mixed feelings about this kind of night. The alone time can feel delicious, no one to please but myself, no other needs, no competing agendas will squeeze out my couch sitting & bubbles baths. On the other hand, sometimes the quiet is a little depressing. I think too much some Fridays. It's a quiet moment to take in the fact that I am alone. Family, friends & kids, fill my life, but in the end I am alone. I am always afraid to blog about these things as I know it can freak people out for me. The truth is that my loneliness isn't always sad, it's just the way it is. Sometimes I just have to sit with it for a minute & let it rattle around in my bones. I would love to be living life intertwined with someone else but being alone causes me to face the reality that we all face at some point, ultimately, it's just me & God. Kind of a deep thought for a Friday night, so I make myself some healthyish pancakes for dinner & take the dog for her walk.

The dog still needs attention on Friday nights, in fact I was a little peeved on this particular night that her agenda did indeed keep me from couch sitting & bubble baths. After feeling annoyance, I felt some pangs of guilt about not walking her till a very cold & dark 9pm tonight, post a Chiropractor appointment, a drop in for a quick happy hour drink with Tess, & then of course the healthyish pancakes.

Walking the dog was a good way for me to let all the random thoughts of the day filter down through my head & out my toes. As I went I wondered if I should have let the dog lick the sugar-free syrup off the plate, but hey, just because my Friday nights are dull doesn't mean her's have to be. I started to worry about the same dumb things about the future I'd been over mulling all week. I wondered for the thousandth time if I am getting sick or if I just have allergies. I thought about Weight Watchers & I felt discouraged after which I gave myself a stick-to-it pep-talk. After all this I wondered hopefully if I am getting better with age, not that I'm any more disciplined, or beautiful, or selfless, but that I now realize that this too shall pass. On the Friday nights of life when all I have in my head is leftover worry & exhaustion & the suspicion that I am getting sick I can assure myself that things will be better come Saturday morning. A good long sleep, a cup of coffee, a bit of time with those I love, and life will once again be in perspective. It may just be God & I, but he is a faithful God. The older I get the more blessed I am to be able to look back & see the history of God's faithfulness in my own life & to know that these Friday night blues too shall pass.

So I go to pick up the girls & they tell me it's sad I've been alone on a Friday night. "We need to get you a date," they say. While I couldn't agree more, my reasons are totally different than their's are. I'm not afraid of being alone the way they are. Being an adult, being old enough to embrace alone time (in however conflicted that acceptance may be), is it's own kind of blessing.

So I wrap up this random post by heading to bed, because things really are that much better on Saturday mornings.

Dinner Among Friends

 

Due to being a bit under the weather this week I am just now writing about last Saturday night when we celebrated my friend Jessica's birthday. It was blustery & coolish after a week of over- due summer heat. We ate dinner outside, a bit of Fall chill in the air, a twilight dinner with laughter & lots of yummy end of summer food. We indulged in cheeses, beautiful salads, little meatball sliders with fresh Parmesan, caprese, fresh fruit, & wine, always great Paso Robles wine.

As it got dark the candles lit the boisterous conversation. We got to tell the stories we don't normally have time for, laugh louder than usual (blame it on the wine), & enjoy the relaxation that comes from being friends for awhile. Most of all we got to celebrate my friend Jessica who is only 25 but who often surprises me in her wisdom, grace, strength & talents. She is a beautiful friend in every way, honest, caring, kind, tender & strong. Jess & her husband have been through a difficult few years so I have seen her character stretched in ways no human hopes to be tested. I have seen God's faithfulness & love for her & through her during all of this & there are few people I could compliment so highly. It's God's doing though, that's what makes it so wonderful. I am thankful to call Jess my friend, along with all the other people from my small group I was able to enjoy in the last light of that Saturday evening. These are some of my favorite nights, unfettered time, good company, good drink, good food.