Women's Retreat

Last weekend I went on a low key women's retreat with some ladies from my church. 14 of us retreated to a beautiful beach front condo near Monterrey. It was a great size group, just small enough to interact with everyone & big enough to have a funny soup of personalities. The setting was so beautiful! The house we rented was right on the beach & everywhere we turned it was a beautiful beach scene. I felt like I was drinking in the beauty & majesty & calm of the ocean all weekend.

The weekend pretty much consisted of eating, conversation, eating, down time (walks, games, shopping etc.), eating,  listen & discussing a few sermons & of course drinking a nice glass of wine... & eating. I was relaxed but a bit sick to my stomach when I returned on Sunday. Apparently after a few weeks of healthy eating, gallons of coffee & mini-cinnamon rolls did not seem to agree with me for breakfast. I do love cinnamon rolls, but they did not seem to love me back on this occasion.

As the person who is usually in charge of orchestrating most things in my life, & the lives of those around me, it was strange (in a good sense of the word) to be with a bunch of women who had everything done before I could even think to do it. Dinner was made, dishes were done, games were organized, & the trash was taken out & all I had done was talk to people. I felt a little guilty about this but I also LOVED IT!!!!

I especially enjoyed being with a few friends who used to go to our church & who now live elsewhere. It was great catching up with everyone, especially my friend Rebekah, who got married & moved about an hour away last year. Rebekah comes from a big family like I do so it took us all weekend to just to tell each other about the comings & going of all our relatives, and of course to do a little soul bearing along the way. I also got to go on a long, wonderful walk with my friend Alyce. She is more than twice my age but she is such a kindred spirit. I feel so blessed by her & it was wonderful to have unfettered time together. On this trip I had the happy realization that even though I love & admire her so much, she loves me that much too. It blew me away!

One of the interesting things I found out in my casual conversation with so many of the ladies, was how unconventional so many of their families are. From the outside we are a group of typical church-going women with our hair brushed & our nice family photos hung in our various middle class homes, but things are never that simple. As I heard more about people's lives I found out about step-children & foster kids they'd raised, neighborhood kids who had lived with them as siblings growing up, family members with mental health problems, kids they'd given up for adoption as a teenager & all other kinds of interesting family scenarios. It was beautiful to see what God has done & is doing in these women & their families as he is redeeming the broken things & bringing slow healing to all these areas.

So that was it. It was so relaxing I've been going at a little slower pace this week, which is good for me, but apparently not so good for getting out timely blogs.

Getting My Techie-Butt into Gear

Over the past 6 months I feel like I've been making friends with the Internet. I read more blogs, use more social media, Skype my sister while she does homework (even though we live in the same town) & I feel lost without my smart phone. I am using all of this technology for fun & for organization. Most of my everyday friends are not too techie, they have phones without Internet, they remind me of birthdays (rather than assume Facebook will do it), & they laugh when I reference Pintrist & say "what's that word you just said?" I have however, discovered the other type of person, the ones who dominated Google + a few days after it was launched, the ones who follow Internet pranks, who tweet daily, & who have apps in place of flashlights when camping.

What does my new found love of technology consist of?
Well, it turns out I love Twitter, where you can follow me @SpiceCreamCone (I seriously need some new followers). I also think Pintrist is a fabulous idea! I have yet to really get going on it but it satisfies that need to capture the amazing ideas I read in blogs in one place. For instance I saw this amazing planter someone made out of a pallet in Seal Beach about a year ago & then I recently saw something similar on the Internet. I was able to save the link in my Pintrist so the next time I see a pallet on the side of the road I can snag it & make this spiffy planter! (If you want an invite to Pintrist just let me know.) Most recently I've started being obsessive about my budgeting using Mint.com. It's so wonderful to have my account info in one easy to see place. I am also a big fan of keeping track of my Weight Watchers info online & there is a great app for tracking & figuring out points on my phone. Ok, so I may still have a hotmail, the same one I've had since high school, but at least I finally went through & deleted about a bazillion old emails & organized the rest into folders.

Even though I have been loving the Internet for so many things, it's a tortured relationship. Texting & cellphones are the bane of my existence when it come to being surrounded by teen girls. They text at dinner, while grocery shopping, while Facebooking, while walking & even while showering. Yes, Desiree used to actually put her cellphone in a Ziploc bag & text in the shower. Teens that have a phone with them when they are home alone or even in their room at night are virtually unsupervised with a bunch of friends. It's those "special friends" of the opposite sex who may be on the other end that are the ones I really worry about.
Oh yes the joys & dangers of Skype. Since I currently have friends & family all over the country I love Skype, but let me tell you, that little video camera hasn't always been used for good at my house. I am learning. I have parental controlled the hell out of my computer, I am setting limits with the phones (especially at dinner time & bed time), & I know all the passwords to Rachel's stuff but there is only so much you can do because its everywhere and let's face it, they are way better with technology than I am.

At work we have been discussing the culture change that this is creating for foster parents who aren't nearly as savvy about technology as the kids in their homes. The ones that have been parenting for years have to think about the way they set boundaries for teens in a whole new way. The thing is that they are not alone, it's all parents who are having to adjust & accept that we are in a new era.

But it's not just the kids I worry about, it's me too. When I walk my dog at night I can barely stand the thought of going out without an iPod or a phone. Once I get going & let the silence sink in a little bit I'm ok, I even kind of like it, but getting there is hard. I'm on the Internet all day at work, I make phone calls (hands free of course) or listen to music or the news on my commute to & from work & I really struggle to turn off the TV at night to read, pray, or do devotions. After spending all day at work on the computer I often gravitate to the computer again as soon as I get home. Some days I feel like I have ADD or early onset Alzheimer's only to realise that I am just all wound up inside. My brain is a jumble of info, & inevitably the relevant info gets lost in the mix because like my body, my brain & my soul, need a rest.

My friends & I had an interesting discussion about what it means to honor the Sabbath. I often see "rest" as tuning out, but the more I think about it, rest is something much more purposeful. I think it has something to do with putting aside distraction & experiencing actual, physical quiet. In addition I think Sabbath "rest" involves not only putting aside but putting on the act of worship. I think I need to do a little more of that for me & my household. I am thankful for the Internet & the rise of technology but it might do me good to be a little more Amish on Sundays. I have no idea how to do this. I really have no idea how to bring this to my household. I know God can help me with this & I want to try. I need to try.

Friday Nights

Sitting at the computer, a lovely web cam shot

I've heard it said that dreams are our brain's way of working out the loose ends of our thoughts during the day. This reminds me of my Friday night musings, working out the week's unresolved, random, & half-finished business.

My Friday nights are not lively affairs. Though I love the routine school brings into our lives I am wrung out by the time Friday hits, no grand desires for a night on the town stir within me, I am pretty much ready for veggin' out on the couch in my pj's or a bubble bath & a glass of wine. Most Fridays in the Fall find me alone. Rachel usually goes to high school football games & any other teen who is living with me at the time won't be caught dead hanging out at home on a Friday night.

I always have mixed feelings about this kind of night. The alone time can feel delicious, no one to please but myself, no other needs, no competing agendas will squeeze out my couch sitting & bubbles baths. On the other hand, sometimes the quiet is a little depressing. I think too much some Fridays. It's a quiet moment to take in the fact that I am alone. Family, friends & kids, fill my life, but in the end I am alone. I am always afraid to blog about these things as I know it can freak people out for me. The truth is that my loneliness isn't always sad, it's just the way it is. Sometimes I just have to sit with it for a minute & let it rattle around in my bones. I would love to be living life intertwined with someone else but being alone causes me to face the reality that we all face at some point, ultimately, it's just me & God. Kind of a deep thought for a Friday night, so I make myself some healthyish pancakes for dinner & take the dog for her walk.

The dog still needs attention on Friday nights, in fact I was a little peeved on this particular night that her agenda did indeed keep me from couch sitting & bubble baths. After feeling annoyance, I felt some pangs of guilt about not walking her till a very cold & dark 9pm tonight, post a Chiropractor appointment, a drop in for a quick happy hour drink with Tess, & then of course the healthyish pancakes.

Walking the dog was a good way for me to let all the random thoughts of the day filter down through my head & out my toes. As I went I wondered if I should have let the dog lick the sugar-free syrup off the plate, but hey, just because my Friday nights are dull doesn't mean her's have to be. I started to worry about the same dumb things about the future I'd been over mulling all week. I wondered for the thousandth time if I am getting sick or if I just have allergies. I thought about Weight Watchers & I felt discouraged after which I gave myself a stick-to-it pep-talk. After all this I wondered hopefully if I am getting better with age, not that I'm any more disciplined, or beautiful, or selfless, but that I now realize that this too shall pass. On the Friday nights of life when all I have in my head is leftover worry & exhaustion & the suspicion that I am getting sick I can assure myself that things will be better come Saturday morning. A good long sleep, a cup of coffee, a bit of time with those I love, and life will once again be in perspective. It may just be God & I, but he is a faithful God. The older I get the more blessed I am to be able to look back & see the history of God's faithfulness in my own life & to know that these Friday night blues too shall pass.

So I go to pick up the girls & they tell me it's sad I've been alone on a Friday night. "We need to get you a date," they say. While I couldn't agree more, my reasons are totally different than their's are. I'm not afraid of being alone the way they are. Being an adult, being old enough to embrace alone time (in however conflicted that acceptance may be), is it's own kind of blessing.

So I wrap up this random post by heading to bed, because things really are that much better on Saturday mornings.

Dinner Among Friends

 

Due to being a bit under the weather this week I am just now writing about last Saturday night when we celebrated my friend Jessica's birthday. It was blustery & coolish after a week of over- due summer heat. We ate dinner outside, a bit of Fall chill in the air, a twilight dinner with laughter & lots of yummy end of summer food. We indulged in cheeses, beautiful salads, little meatball sliders with fresh Parmesan, caprese, fresh fruit, & wine, always great Paso Robles wine.

As it got dark the candles lit the boisterous conversation. We got to tell the stories we don't normally have time for, laugh louder than usual (blame it on the wine), & enjoy the relaxation that comes from being friends for awhile. Most of all we got to celebrate my friend Jessica who is only 25 but who often surprises me in her wisdom, grace, strength & talents. She is a beautiful friend in every way, honest, caring, kind, tender & strong. Jess & her husband have been through a difficult few years so I have seen her character stretched in ways no human hopes to be tested. I have seen God's faithfulness & love for her & through her during all of this & there are few people I could compliment so highly. It's God's doing though, that's what makes it so wonderful. I am thankful to call Jess my friend, along with all the other people from my small group I was able to enjoy in the last light of that Saturday evening. These are some of my favorite nights, unfettered time, good company, good drink, good food.

9/11

This was the prayer our pastor, Bill Hawk, prayed yesterday at church. He says it's a combination of his own words, John Piper's & Scottie Smith's. I appreciated it greatly.

Prayer on the 10th Anniversary of 9/11

We lift our hearts to You, our King with one voice this morning. And with that voice we acknowledge:

That You alone are God

That You alone are King

That You alone sit on the heavenly throne ruling with wisdom and power.

That "though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the ruler yet…"

Today we grieve at how far we have fallen and how fully the peace of creation has been violated by sin and brokenness…Nothing in our lifetime has made that more real than the memory of what happened 10 years ago today.

We grieve at the loss that so many people suffered on that day. We pray that they will be comforted by You and your people today as they remember that painful day of loss.

Even as we remember that day of terror, we also choose to remember You, Lord Jesus. You are the Prince of Peace. You are our Peace – the One who destroys all hostilities; those between God and man and man and man. You have come to restore broken things "as far as the curse is found".

You did this by transforming the very worse day of sin and terror into a day of salvation, redemption and hope. The very day when humans tortured and crucified You, You made it a day of salvation by taking the curse of the cross upon Yourself so that we would not never have to face the curse of sin and death. Your death was the death of death itself and the promise of eternal peace.

Because of You, terror is terrified and defeated, we do not have to live in fear. Because of you there will be no more tears and brokenness. So, we do not grieve as those who have no hope, but as people of Hope. Because of You there will someday be no more war, evil, and sorrow.

So, our work and witness for You, King Jesus, is not in vain. We can live as peacemakers, sowing Gospel peace with the absolute assurance that a harvest of righteousness is being raised up and will be reaped. Knowing that as Your Word says, the knowledge of Your glory will cover the entire earth as the waters cover the sea, including Manhattan, Bagdad and Tehran.

So we say, "Maranatha!" Come Lord Jesus, come! Until that day, give us all the mercy, grace, forgiveness and peace that we need for this day.

Hearts and minds turn toward the Muslim world with longing- the kind of longing that brought Jesus to the cross. They don’t have the son, they reject the son, our prayer is that their eyes would be open, see the glory of Jesus and embrace Him as Lord.

We bring this prayer to You through our High Priest who suffered and died so that we might have eternal Hope. Amen.

...take me for longing or leave me behind

I heard this Alison Krauss song on one of my Pandora stations while I was at work today. I had never heard it before, or if I had it had never stuck out to me. I love it! I can't imagine any of the wise adults in my church giving anyone this kind of advice about love but the romantic in me whole-heartedly sings this tune.

Babies & Big Girls alike

I was reading my sister-in-law Kelly's blog today. She was talking about the effect that it has on her when her almost 1 year old son cuddles with her & is purposefully sweet. Even though she is my bouncing baby 16 year old I am just as much of a sucker for Rachel's affection as Kelly is for G's. I know that fact that it has taken so long for Rachel to feel ok about showing me affection makes it all the sweeter but I think my gestures of love to my parents still make them all warm & fuzzy inside too. Lately Rachel has been telling me she loves me each day. She does it purposefully but I can tell it still makes her nervous by the way she'll sometimes say it with sarcasm or add a "...supposedly" to the end. I can also tell she really wants me to notice that she is finally telling me she loves me. For those of you that knew 13 year old Rachel you will understand why even she is amazed at this development. Children can be hard & require great sacrifice & long-suffering but the rewards are indescribable!

Night Walks

I chose the Billy Collins poem in the previouse post because it seemed to connect with this season of my life. The ordinary moments sometimes feel so thick I can taste them these days. It really is the quiet time at home & the summer evenings I've spent walking the dog that have rebirthed my desire to blog. I used to feel such intensity about the new things I was experiencing in life; the thrill of looking off Lookout Mountain at sunset, the musty smell of a church in a foreign country, the fearful rush of indepence, the sensations of recipriated romance, the heart-bursting joy of deepening friendship, the warm stirrings of bonding with a child, & I knew that was something to write about. Those are things you expect people want to read about, but it's more difficult to describe everyday life in a way that isn't remincient of one of those bad Christmas letters where people brag about their kids & try to seem incredible. I get it though. There is something about delighting in your life that might seem like bragging when in fact, it's just part of enjoying the whole thing. I never want to stop being amazed by the growth in Rachel, the cuteness of my dog, the fun of rearranging a room, the hugs from my family, cooking a good dinner, having a great conversation or accomplishing an every day challenge (like cleaning the kitchen at midnight). So I guess that is what this blog is about. It's about the things that pop into my head when I'm having a slow day at work, when I take my dog on a night walk (because I couldn't do it any earlier), when I'm driving, or showering, or going out of my mind.